Mental Health Information

People experience stress in a variety of different ways.

Physical: New physical ailments or an exacerbation of existing issues, headaches, muscular aches and pains, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, fatigue, sleep difficulties, or stomach upsets.

Psychological: Irritability, mood swings, worrying, helplessness, a sense of disconnection from colleagues and others, concentration / memory difficulties, or issues with decision-making.

Behavioural:

• taking frequent sick leave from work (absenteeism)
• attending for work but producing a low output (presenteeism)
• procrastination
• making avoidable errors at work, or performing below the usual standard
• ruminating about the job outside the workplace
• avoiding family/social engagements
• having a short temper
• eating too much or too little
• drinking more alcohol than usual or smoking more than usual
• using prescription or non-prescription drugs to ‘wind down’ after work

Some issues that might contribute to stress at work include:

• Factors specific to the job, such as poor physical conditions, safety issues, unrealistic deadlines, long hours, or an unmanageable workload
• Factors specific to the individual’s role in the organisation, such as confusion about responsibilities, poor job-person fit, poor time management, difficulties in managing separate or conflicting roles within an organisation (for example, that of supervisor and colleague), or uncertainty about the future of the organisation
• Career development issues, such as being passed up for a promotion, or lack of job security
• Relationship issues, such as poor support from supervisors, conflict with co-workers, harassment, discrimination or bullying
• Problems with organisational structure / climate, such as low levels of perceived control over work tasks, over-supervision, lack of consultation on important issues, office politics, budget problems, or pressure to complete work tasks or check emails outside of normal work hours
• External stressors, such as a long commute to work, lack of sleep, grief/loss, separation/divorce, mental or physical illness, or caring responsibilities

Some of the symptoms of depression can include:

• Feeling sad or depressed
• A loss of interest and pleasure in normal activities
• Loss of appetite or weight
• Inability to get to sleep or waking up early
• Feeling tired all the time
• Having trouble concentrating
• Feeling restless, agitated, worthless or guilty
• Feeling that life isn’t worth living
• A combination of factors

Depression results from a combination of physical and psychological factors. These cause chemical imbalances in the brain. Diagnosis in every case needs a careful analysis of causes.

Physical causes include:

• Mental illness and treatment
• Inherited traits
• Chemical changes
• Drug or alcohol abuse

Psychological causes include:

• Life stress
• Negative experiences and loss
• High anxiety
• Seek help if you experience symptoms of depression

If you experience some or most of the symptoms of depression, it is important to seek advice from a doctor or Brisbane depression counsellor.

Careful medical and psychological evaluation is needed to determine the best treatment.

This may include:

• Drug therapy with antidepressants
• Psychological therapies
• Education and counselling
• Avoiding situations which may contribute to the depression

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• Depression is a constant feeling of dejection and loss, which stops you doing your normal activities.
• Depression can be mistaken for a physical illness, such as fatigue.
• Antidepressants can help most depressed people, but they must be accompanied by psychological therapy and education.
• Help is at hand. Talk to our Brisbane depression counsellors today. Get in touch now.

Gaslighting is always about self-preservation and the maintenance of power and control — the power and control to construct a narrative that keeps the gaslighter in the right and their partner in the wrong.

When you second guess your reality to the point where you feel like you are losing it, this is a major sign of gaslighting. It makes it difficult to trust yourself or leaves you unsure if what you are feeling is invalid.

Your partner is dismissive of your feelings — When you bring up a concern or share feelings with your partner, they may convince you that you are mistaken or overthinking. Some partners will even deny the event happened.

They never let you talk during a conflict — They are constantly cutting you off and not letting you explain your point of view. If you find yourself recording conversations or writing long emails just to get your point across because you can never get a word in face-to-face, you are probably experiencing gaslighting.

Your partner never apologises when you express hurt — If you share that you are hurt and they lack empathy, that is a red flag. If a partner is never willing to take accountability for their actions and you are trying to justify your feelings so they can determine whether or not they are valid, you are being gaslit.

If you notice that your partner often blames you when conflict arises or blames their actions on outside factors, this may be gaslighting.

The gaslighting partner often changes the topic to something you have done rather than addressing what they have done.

Some partners may belittle you or call you “too sensitive” as a way of avoiding accountability.

You start to believe that you are not working hard enough in your relationship — At some point, you may believe that you are not doing enough. Your partner has denied, minimised, or placed blame on you when you have tried to voice your concerns.

Both partners will make mistakes, and both partners should apologise when they are in the wrong in healthy relationships.

If this is one-sided, it may indicate that the relationship dynamic is organised around themes of power and control.

Using your voice brings about feelings of guilt — Your relationship may get to the point where sharing your feelings becomes incredibly difficult. Bringing up concerns or sharing your true feelings starts to make you feel guilty.

This is a sign that control is at the centre of the relationship, which is a key marker of gaslighting.

Pay attention if you are feeling suppressed or voiceless in your relationship.

You will notice in situations involving gaslighting there is often an avoidance of taking responsibility for the person’s role in the relationship.

Example:

As soon as the relationship starts, it becomes increasingly hard for Jennifer to bring up her concerns to Steve about spending enough time together. When they are out together, Steve treats Jennifer as though they are still platonic friends and flirts with other people. This confuses Jennifer and prompts her to initiate a conversation about their developing relationship.

When Jennifer raises concerns about flirting and asks Steve to spend more quality time together, he becomes upset.

The reaction is: “You are acting like I don’t care about you at all” or “Am I a bad person for trying to make new friends?” Steve deflects from his behaviour and makes Jennifer feel she is in the wrong for seeking clarity around their relationship.

Why do people gaslight?

A person who gaslights may not have the capacity to sit with their emotions or self-reflect, and may experience low self-worth they are uncomfortable facing. In some cases, gaslighting is used by someone psychologists may identify as narcissistic, where the person has little remorse for their actions or empathy for their partner.

Gaslighting can happen consciously or unconsciously. Some people consistently use gaslighting as a tactic to maintain control in relationships and may not realise how harmful it is.

How to stop gaslighting in a relationship:

• Seek support to affirm your experience — Seeking support from trusted people outside the relationship can help you feel validated and affirmed in your experience.
• You can choose to confront your partner — There is a chance your partner does not realise they are gaslighting you. It may help to explain what gaslighting is, how they are engaging in it, and how it makes you feel.
• If you are dealing with a narcissist, confronting them is often futile — It is unlikely that a toxic person will admit to manipulating the relationship in order to maintain control.
• If you are experiencing gaslighting in the moment — Do not engage. End the conversation.

Gaslighters are not interested in your perspective or feelings.

Leave the relationship if gaslighting persists — If gaslighting is pervasive and confronting your partner is not an option, consider leaving the relationship.

If your partner becomes enraged while gaslighting you, it is even more important to consider ending the relationship altogether.

Notice the patterns — Regardless of whether you choose to stay or leave, develop an understanding of your own attachment patterns.

Sometimes we genuinely cannot see the behaviour, but when we look back on unhealthy relationships we can often recognise the red flags and instincts we overrode in the hope of receiving love and connection.

Recognise that it is not up to you to stop the gaslighting — Gaslighting is never your fault.

In a healthy relationship, both partners are accountable for their own behaviours. When it comes to gaslighting, the person engaging in it must have a willingness to change.

Source: Jayda Shuavarnnasri, M.A., mbg.